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Dear Diary _5_Dear Diary,
I can't begin to explain what happened last night. Sammie came over for a while and we made up, she still wants to pretend to the other girls that she's like them so she wont be lonely at school, but she wants to be her normal self with me, so I said it was fine, so long as she didn't try to backstab me or anything. She left before dinner though.
Rosa arrived just in time for dinner, wearing this beautiful tutu-style red and black skirt, and a black bodice, with her big chunky boots. My parents barely said a word throughout dinner but we talked about school and how lame it was.
But after that is when things got a bit weird I guess. We went up to my room to listen to some music and bitch about all the popular people we hate, and how we would make the world better if we were in power, which included shipping our siblings off to Cambodia in a big crate.
Rosa told me she has a crush on me.
I just... I didn't know how to deal with it, I mean, I've avoided thinking about things l
Dear Diary _4_Dear Diary,
It's been two weeks again. I wish I wasn't so sporadic. Things haven't improved at home, but they haven't gotten any worse. Mom relented and took all the clothes back that she got me, and gave me the money instead, which was nice. i got some more clothes with it, but ones that I liked. And some new boots, knee-high chunky ones. I adore them.
I managed to get a hold of Rosa and we're friends now. She's exactly like me, we get on really well. I've been to her house a few times and she's been over here a few, my parents don't like her, but it's like i say to them, at least me and Rosa don't smoke or drink anything, unlike other people our age. We just dress differently and listen to different music. And we're not brainwashed by mainstream ideals such as fashion.
Sammie sent me a text yesterday, asking how I was. I told her how she'd made me feel with what she'd done, and she's coming over soon to talk. I think she misses me, she would be the outcast in her school if she was st
Dear Diary _3_Dear Diary,
I didn't get a cold over the winter break as i thought I would. Thank God for that. But going back to school was like hell. I really don't know what the damn problem is, I study and do all my homework and even the teachers pick on me now. I've been back at school three weeks and things are getting steadily worse.
I haven't spoken to Sammie. She's in with the so-called popular crowd for good. We've been friends since ever and she's just abandonedme like this. Shannen spoke to me today though, tried to persuade me that even just pretending to be like them would make my life easier. She's right, but I shouldn't have to. I should be able to be who I am and still be accepted.
There's a new girl at school, Rosa, I haven't seen much of her but it looks like she's just like me. An outcast, dressed in black, quiet but friendly. She didn't look too happy. I'm going to try and talk to her, but she's not in my classes, so i'll have to try and find her at lunch or something. We stick ou
Dear Diary _2_Dear Diary,
Well, today sucked as much as any other day. Thank God the holidays are here, not that they'll be any better. Since Shannen decided to go all Chic on me, I've been alone at school, and things are getting worse. I had to run home today, some assholes decided to chase me home with snowballs. Oh sure, they thought it was funny, but I bet I end up with a cold or something. Just how I wanted to spend my break. I'm sure this week wont be long enough.
Sammie's even stopped coming over now, apparantly i'm too good for her too. She's started going all Chic on me as well. I still don't see the appeal, I mean, it all seems so damn fake. They dress up to please each other, and to follow what the celebrities are doing. How stupid, honestly. I mean, alright, there are a lot of people dressing how I do, but I don't do it to be the outcast, i just like it, that's all.
Mom and Dad are becoming even more alienated from me. I swear all I do is stay in my room these days, unless i'm at school.
Dear Diary _1_Dear Diary,
Well, today was a bummer. Shannen's decided she doesn't want to be my friend anymore, apparantly i'm just not cool enough. I guess it's true. Me with my black hair, black nails, black... well everything. She's much too much of a girly girl, all into fashion and that.
I dunno, I just don't understand it. Fashion that is, to leave aside a long boring rant about how I don't fit in. But seriously, fashion, it confuses me. Things move in and out of fashion... does that mean they can't look good any time of the year? Or a few years on the trot? I mean, if my clothes still fit, then they still look good on me, because at the end of the day, they are still the same clothes I bought whenever ago.
Ah well. She can shove it right up her bootlegs. I don't care about her or her little friends.
So now i'm alone at school. There's nobody there I talk to, nobody i'm interested in. I'm the outcast, the freakshow, the big game. I don't play by their rules, I don't wear their stupid fa
[transmissions of a dead girl]i am the
moon: i am
the silver pill
to weigh down
into leaden eyes--
i am the
of the dark.
the stars are
all dead in their
you'll be safe, dear,
as i am the moon,
with all of your
(i am good bye and yet,
you think only of romantic
i am the moon.
i am the crescent
and dead altogether,
i still die.
All Here For A ReasonI turned onto a shady, well-manicured driveway that, for all intents and purposes, looked harmless enough. Maple trees lined both sides of the street, and a parade of Canadian geese marched across the road to a wide duck pond with a flamboyant fountain. There were blooming crepe myrtles and rose-of-sharons, and as I grew closer to my destination, neatly trimmed gardens with neatly trimmed bushes.
I stopped to let the geese pass. They looked at me; one hissed. I honked my horn and moved around them.
At the end of the road sat a collection of grayish buildings and a number of signs directing me to the appropriate parking lot. "Welcome to Ten Creeks Hospital," said one of them. "Please enjoy your stay." I parked in the visitor's lot. Surely I wouldn't be staying.
I was shaking when I got out of my car. I had spent the morning getting high. One foot in front of the other, flip-flop noises, hot sidewalk. Mulberry and magnolia trees, freshly shaved grass. A bench and pan for smokers. A set o
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